Marriage Shock:
The Transformation of Women into Wives
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"I really love my husband and wouldn't want to be married to anyone else.
But I have changed.
Something in me is gone.
It's vanished and I miss it.
And I don't know how to get it back."
Marriage, we are taught to believe, is a woman's natural habitat -- the blissful rite of passage that makes her more expansively herself. Why, then, are so many married women unable to reconcile the autonomous, adventurous, sexually charged women they were with the dutiful, silent, selfless wives they have become?
A book that will change forever the way women view the most important partnership of their lives, Marriage Shock moves courageously beyond the "inviolate happiness of the wedding" to explore the destructive cultural myths that transform a woman into an agreeable, self-sacrificing, desperately unfulfilled wife. And, in a breakthrough work that gives voice to a wide range of women -- from newlyweds to wives of forty years -- Marriage Shock reveals what every woman must know in order to reverse the effects of "matrimorphosis" and become a true partner in her marriage, including:
The real reasons behind the post-wedding blues, first-year shock, and depression in marriage
How to stop believing that love must be "earned" by endless giving
How the institution of marriage -- and not husbands -- denies women intimacy, freedom, and fulfillment
How to stop acting "the good wife" and create a marriage that is good for you
Reviews
Editor and writer Heyn (The Erotic Silence of the American Wife) advocates here a radical transformation of marriage to save the institution. She presents convincing anecdotal evidence, based on interviews with young wives, that modern women are still victimized by the 17th-century ideal of a "good wife," who not only is responsible for the success of the marital union but also must give up her own ideas, pleasures and pastimes to achieve harmony with her husband. The author presents an interesting historical overview of the good wife, who, according to Heyn, was exemplified in 17th- and 18th-century books of conduct for wives, some of which she quotes from. Heyn advises women to support one another and to maintain their own identities after marrying, rather than compromising themselves within marriage as a way of avoiding divorce.
--Publishers Weekly
Heyn explores the concept of "marriage shock", the realization of this fact which strikes woman after the whirl of courtship and the honeymoon are over and discusses ways to overcome the consequences. An incisive and controversial work, Marriage Shock has an interesting premise that will resonate with many women -- both single and married alike.
--WritersWrite.com
"Heyn's candor and clarity are exhilarating. [She] is deliciously brave."
--Houston Chronicle
"Extremely provocative . . . lucid, well-written, and convincing."
--Elle
May 1999
Random House Value Publishing
hardcover
ISBN: 0517401231
paperback
ISBN: 0385324022
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